That’s why I agreed to meet a guy off J-Date (J-Fate, J-Inebriate, J-Overrate – I’ve heard them all), because he lived so close to me, walking distance to a local café for both of us. And when you can go on a date and reduce your carbon footprint in LA, that’s a plus. You don’t have to be embarrassed that you don’t own a Prius.
He met me in the doorway of the café. Odd, no? His hair was a mess, his shirt wasn’t buttoned correctly, there was a stain on said shirt and he looked very little like his photograph. The last is a standard J-Date hazard. He ordered a glass of water (huh?), so I did too. Talk was stilted; he kept stabbing the lemon in his water with his straw, which proceeded to spill all over the table. He didn’t seem to care. I plastered an “I’m interested in you look” on my face, and forced myself to remain for at least 20 minutes, because I was raised to be polite. He alternated by staring at me or refusing to look me in the eye. It was unnerving. Finally, we started talking about driving (hey, this is LA after all). He said he didn’t drive. Didn’t drive? What was wrong with this guy? I asked as much – well, no, I said in my most interested voice, “Why don’t you drive?” He said, “I’m not allowed to.” And all I could think was, road rage? Drunk driver? (Could explain the glass of water) Escaped felon? Could I honestly fall in love with a man who was going to have to wear an orange jump suit for the rest of his life? So I casually said, “Why not?” To which he responded, “Because I’m legally blind.”
See? (No pun intended). Suddenly the straw stabbing, the choice of café, the unbrushed hair, shirt stain, wrong buttons, all made sense. And all I could think was, I can’t believe I went to all this trouble to dress nicely and put on great makeup, when the guy couldn’t even see it. Sigh. The positive outcome of this date (if there is one) is that I can honestly tell people I truly went on a “blind date.”
Nonetheless, I did come to a very important decision as a result of this encounter. Despite the fact that the success of my friends’ marriage was partially rooted in geography, I will now willingly traverse the 405 in search of true love. However, you have to be willing to do the same for me. And if you are legally blind, you obviously can’t. I just keep saying to myself, the beauty of being a couple is that you can use the carpool lane.