In the end I came up with some lame justification that maybe God was trying to bring together two people in the wake of a tragedy and decided to talk to him. Apparently he too knew the mourner from our synagogue. Hmm… so why had I never seen him there before? We chatted for about five minutes, and it turned out we had a lot in common. The conversation was cut short as some of us were heading off to pay another shiva call (what can I say, it was a busy week for dying). I secretly hoped that I’d run into him at synagogue, but over the next two months I never saw him again. I only knew his first name, so couldn’t even find out who he was. Perhaps it was all a figment of my imagination. Anyway, after those eight weeks passed, I started dating someone and my free time was spent traversing the 405 (see previous blog). After that relationship spectacularly blew up in my face (he slept with his ex-wife), my friends had to drag me to services a week later, even though I was still in serious feeling sorry for myself anti-social mode. And of course, God decided that was the night cute-shiva-guy should show up. I was floored. Tonight, of all nights? After three months of him disappearing into the ether he’s here? My dating timing sucks.
Nonetheless, we did chat. He remembered me from the shiva. We had a great conversation and I found out he’d moved here from New York. I asked why he left and he said, “Well, I got married, had kids, and moved out here.” Screeching brakes in my head. There I was getting lost in those baby blues and I was hitting on a married guy! So I back-pedaled politely, wondering why his wife wasn’t at shul, and said,“Oh, so what does your wife do?” I mean, I had to say something. And he said, “Well, we’re divorced….”
Relief flooded through me, but only for a second. I date single guys all the time, why am I suddenly being drawn to divorced men? All I could think was, no, no, no, no, no. I am not pursuing this further. Did he divorce her last week, last year? Would I land up dating yet another guy who forgot he was divorced and run back to her? I wasn’t planning on sticking around to find out. Not to mention the fact I had no idea if he was interested in me anyway.
The moral of this story? Don’t flirt at a shiva. Ever.