Now I know I might sound angry, I know I might sound fed up, and that’s probably because I am. In the last few weeks I have developed a pretty major crush on a certain someone, a certain younger man. And I’m embracing the “cougar” in me, I’m going with the “he’ll keep me young” credo, even though I am by no means old, but if Demi can fall for the Kabbalah and Ashton Kutcher in one fell swoop, then I can ignore five little years of difference. And why not? I feel like a youngun’ again; it has been a long time since I’ve had a crush, and recently I’ve experienced the teenage-like, revelatory sensation of literally not being able to eat, sleep or do much but daydream about this young man. Boy. No, man. And he has exhibited much requited-like behavior…in the form of text messages. Yes, 5-7 word jumbles that aren’t even that flirty, but they inform me that I am on his mind. I may not be on his mind enough for him to say, pick up the phone, and call me, however. For goodness sake, he doesn’t even need to dial, he just needs to press a few buttons and voila, there my very real, very human voice will be. But right now, he is taking the long route to dating-ville, where I would love to meet him, if he could just read the map and directions I have clearly laid out for him; you know, that text I sent that said, “Call me.”
So this past weekend, in order to escape my frustration and avoid all text-ual transmissions, I decided to go for a hike. Into the woods I went to escape the cell phone and the incessant messages and embrace nature! And oh, how nice it was. I succumbed to the deep reds and oranges within the trees, to the simplicity of what wasn’t man made, but was surrounding me on all sides; rock, moss, lichen, mountains, and sky. With Sukkot behind us and Thanksgiving looming, I began to ponder what makes me thankful. And yet, here I was, standing on the top of the mountain, the luscious deep red of the changing wilderness all around, trying to wax philosophical, and I still found my mind straying to this young man. And maybe it’s because he has red hair, (the leaves reminded me of him, I couldn’t help it!) or maybe because amidst all of the beauty of fall, I felt I was inside my own personal “fall”, if you will. Or maybe sometimes you just can’t escape a crush.
So I accepted his presence in my mind and decided I was thankful for the ability to get over lost loves, for the ability to brush my own proverbial dead leaves (i.e. past relationships) aside and change with the seasons. Apart from the myriad of other positive things in my life, I was thankful that I still could have a crush on someone in the same way I did when I was fifteen. Just as Thanksgiving and Sukkot ring in yearly at this season of change and gratitude, I still could get all hot and bothered by a boy, and feel flustered at the appearance of his name on my cell phone screen. So I skipped to my car, 4 mile hike completed, and I anxiously turned my phone on…would there be a new text or will he have taken the plunge to call me? Only time will tell.